Spiritual Amnesia

It’s a little quieter around the house this week.  Meghan has been at camp since yesterday, and Scott has been working late the past few nights.  I’m grateful for both.  Connor has been holding down the fort during the day with the girls.  He’s been awesome!  I’m so proud of how responsible he is.  The girls have been telling me all about the adventures and fun games they are playing everyday.  He’s been telling me about how excited he gets at naptime!

In some of the unexpected quite time, Scott and I have been reflecting on different events from the diagnosis and the destruction of our marriage in preparation of writing a detailed account of our testimony.  It’s interesting how much we push out of our minds by not spending time thinking about it.  As we have been jotting down the events, more and more memories have been flooding back.  Those moments in time have been carefully preserved, waiting for the time that they would be shared.

We share our testimony regularly, but we tend to hit the highlights.  The shock and awe of our story doesn’t necessarily need all of the intricate details interwoven to get the point across.  Although the resurrection of our lives individually as well as our marriage is evident even in the cliff notes version, it’s not as impressive as getting the whole story.

“Make sure you follow every command I’m giving you today. Then you will live. You will increase your numbers. You will enter the land and take it as your own. It’s the land the Lord promised with an oath to your people long ago.

Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way. He guided you in the desert for these 40 years. He wanted to take your pride away. He wanted to put you to the test and know what was in your hearts. He wanted to see whether you would obey his commands.

He took your pride away. He let you go hungry. Then he gave you manna to eat. You and your parents had never even known anything about manna before. He tested you to teach you that man doesn’t live only on bread. He also lives on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. Your clothes didn’t wear out during these 40 years. Your feet didn’t swell.

Here is what I want you to know in your hearts. The Lord your God trains you, just as parents train their children.

Obey the commands of the Lord your God. Live as he wants you to live. Have respect for him.

The Lord your God is bringing you into a good land. It has streams and pools of water. Springs flow in its valleys and hills. It has wheat, barley, vines, fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey. There is plenty of food in that land. You will have everything you need. Its rocks have iron in them. And you can dig copper out of its hills.

When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God. Praise him for the good land he has given you.  Make sure you don’t forget the Lord your God. Don’t fail to obey his commands, laws and rules. I’m giving them to you today.

But suppose you don’t obey his commands. And suppose you have plenty to eat. You build fine houses and settle down in them. Your herds and flocks increase their numbers. You also get more and more silver and gold. And everything you have multiplies. Then your hearts will become proud. And you will forget the Lord your God.

The Lord brought you out of Egypt. That’s the land where you were slaves. He led you through that huge and terrible desert. It was a dry land. It didn’t have any water. It had poisonous snakes and scorpions. The Lord gave you water out of solid rock. He gave you manna to eat in the desert. Your parents had never even known anything about manna before.

The Lord took your pride away. He put you to the test. He did it so that things would go well with you in the end. You might say to yourselves, “Our power and our strong hands have made us rich.”

But remember the Lord your God. He gives you the ability to produce wealth. That shows he stands by the terms of his covenant. He promised it with an oath to your people long ago. And he’s still faithful to his covenant today.

Don’t forget the Lord your God. Don’t follow other gods. Don’t worship them and bow down to them. I give witness against you today that if you do, you will certainly be destroyed. You will be destroyed just like the nations the Lord your God is destroying to make room for you. That’s what will happen if you don’t obey him.”  – Deuteronomy 8

I have realized that in the shortening of our story, I have suffered from spiritual amnesia.  The moment to moment grace that was given to Scott and I is what ultimately led us to the miracle that we experienced.  I lived for months without hope … in a crippling fear of what could happen if I left the room, let alone the house.  I stopped looking to the future because it was full of pain and suffering, and I stopped looking at the present because it was bountiful with it’s own pain and suffering.  I remember many moments during that time in my life when I prayed to fall asleep and never wake up.

Each memory that has been coming back is revealing to me now how much God really did do in our lives.  I have been grumbling about my current circumstances, and have forgotten how blessed I am to even be in my current circumstances.  Experiencing spiritual amnesia has resulted in my putting what God has done for us into a 5 – 15 minute testimony that comes up on an as-needed basis.  I’m not saying that it isn’t important to share our testimony because we are supposed to do that.  And I’m not saying that getting to the point while sharing with someone is wrong, because it’s not.  What I’m saying is that I can’t forget the enormity of what He has done for me.  I shouldn’t discard the “insignificant” details of my story.  Those memories … those truths … are where I can see that intimate and personal relationship with Jesus Christ at work in my own life.  When I needed God, He showed up – for me!

Lord, I want to thank you again for the path you laid before me years ago.  I thank you for the grace you granted me to take one more step each day, and I thank you for where those steps have led me to today.  I ask Your forgiveness for the times that I forget Your faithfulness, and for the times that I become full of self-pity.  I pray that as I go from here, that You would remind me to be grateful in times when I lean toward entitlement.  I pray that You will continue to bind my marriage and family together, and that our relationships with each other would be built on a foundation of Christ.  Amen

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