4 May 13
Saturday, a day to rest, relax and spend some time with the family, right? LOL, I got to spend time with Meghan at 0530 by driving her to the Queen City Road Race so that she could do some community service with her JROTC unit. No problem with that, love her heart for others and I was glad to do it. We had a good time cutting up on the way over there, and while it wasn’t a lot of time, it was quality. That was key.
Got back to the house and was too awake to go back to bed, and there was too much to do to get ready for Meg’s birthday party. If it had stayed dry, we were gonna hold a bonfire in the back yard, but just like the past few Saturdays, this one was a rainy mess, so we bit the bullet and moved the party indoors. Did I say indoors? Oh well, the only thing was that all the grilling still had to be done outside, but the rain actually (mostly) held off while I was handling that task. Thank you Lord. I still would have done it, and would have held on to a good attitude I’m sure, but it only sprinkled a little while I cooked. Nothing I couldn’t handle. And I got to watch our resident red-headed woodpecker family assault bugs and worms in the yard while I cooked. Love watching them.
Another no-go on the working out and running for today. But the Spirit is definitely moving in some awesome ways in our lives. I am finding myself on edge less and less as I strive to recapture my relationship with God. He is honoring that effort, and while I wasn’t backsliding, I was not moving forward the way I had been, and it was causing me to be unsettled and bringing out my harsher side.
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
My faith, like many others, can be shaken. There are times when His plan seems so incomprehensible that I doubt that there is a plan. Or I doubt that I am part of the plan. I wonder if He does exist, how can he love ME? It’s funny how quickly we humans can forget. The Lord our God has worked wondrous miracles in the lives of my family. But because I am a shadow of my Creator, made in His image but not in his awesome totality, I fail. I doubt. I struggle.
I need to remember. For most of my life, the Fourth of July has been my favorite holiday. The patriotic nature of this day and my love for this country, and of course the fireworks all inspired me to yearly celebration! Man, I have celebrated that day for as long as I can remember.
Then on 4 July 08, I received a diagnosis that shook not just my life, but the lives of my family and friends. AIDS. I was given some experimental meds, the number to hospice, and sent home. I was in such bad shape, that the docs told us that if I made it through the next few weeks, my life expectancy would be approximately five years. This Fourth of July I will be hitting my “expiration date”. Five years of this, and if you know me, you know that I am nowhere near to dying from this virus. So I will be celebrating this year that God has other, miraculous plans for my life. I gave it to Him to do as He wills with it, and my tasks here are not done yet.
None of us knows how long we have on this flawed world. No matter what diagnosis and time limit that a doctor may give us, that very next moment may hold the end. Car accident, bombing, fire, or any of the millions of other ways we could go, we are all dying one second at a time. Once we get past the mistake of perceived immortality, and come to grips with the uncomfortable fact that all of us have an expiration date that is completely unknown to us, then we can start to live. And do it with love for the Father that gave us our chance to impact this world for Him. Whatever time He allots me, I am striving to enjoy every second. I want to live to impact my family and friends and even total strangers in a positive way. While I look forward to spending eternity in Heaven with Him, I won’t hurry myself there. His time, His will, His plan. My place is to serve.