Sucker Punch!

  I have heard second-hand that my style of writing can be likened to a “sucker punch”. LOL, I guess that may be the case. I tend to start off with pleasantries and trivialities, and then dive into whatever deeper thoughts come to me without warning. I’m not sure if this is because I need to warm up to whatever my topic is going to be, or if on a subconscious level I like catching people off guard. I apologize if I have shocked anyone into a sudden coronary or stroke by the unexpectedness of my literary departures. (I love you, Annette!) Shocking as it may be, God is always there. Was He there when I was struggling with an addiction to porn? Of course He was. He was there every time I was abused as a child, or picked on and bullied. He didn’t turn away when I refused to believe in Him. He was right beside me when I cursed at people who tried to reach out to me and point me in His direction. When I lashed out at others in my own pain, He was there. Not once has He left me alone, no matter how much I resented Him or was angry with Him or even cursed Him. I hate to break it to you, but no matter what you have done, are doing, or are going to do, He is there right beside you, and even inside of you. And pay attention to this now; He is not simply standing by watching whatever situation you may be in as it proceeds. He isn’t...

That… that… WOMAN!!

2 December 13 Do you know what my wife did to me last night?? That… that… WOMAN! There I was, minding my own business, stuck in my own head, stewing over feeling sick and struggling with being behind in school and everything else that is going on. Normal man stuff, ya know? Perfectly normal, worldly stuff. So she comes in and sits on the bed and tells me about a conversation that she had earlier with the daughter that I had recently finished blessing out. For her own good, of course. I let her have a dose of my righteous wrath, pointing out some things that she needed to work on. For her own good, of course.  But (and this is key, here) their conversation took place before my blessing her out. So then I realized that I had gone and made things twenty times worse, but it was for her own good, right? THEN, after I realized that I had made things worse (reacting EXACTLY as predicted in the aforementioned conversation btw), I got mad at that… that… WOMAN for not telling me about the conversation they had had before my blessing out the daughter (did I mention that it was for her own good?). Never mind the fact that the reason she had not told me was because I was deeply involved in trying to get caught up on some school work and she had handled the situation already. So I felt like a complete butt. A terminal case of Cranial-Rectal Inversion (CRI) ensued, and I stated that I was going to sleep, and I rolled over...

Blind Faith and Unwavering Obedience

I’m pretty torn up right now.  I’m angry with God, with my husband, and mostly with myself.  My husband and I have made several prayerful decisions, and even after following what we believed God was directing us to do, the outcome is not one that I’m very happy with.  I know that the path of the called is filled with blind faith and unwavering obedience.  I guess I’m still growing in the application of both. Well over a year ago we felt called into marriage ministry, and prayed for months about how we were supposed to do that.  It led to a decision to leave my well-paid, high stress position and go out on my own doing graphic design and websites (filled with less pay and more stress).  I worked a 3 month notice, and during that time everything seemed to align.  Before I had even finished working my notice, I began picking up  customers and my employer at the time retained me as a consultant for one day a week at a very handsome rate.  So, it seemed as if everything was in proper alignment with God’s will and we were moving in obedience. Soon after leaving, my husband lost his disability that was supposed to be permanent.  We immediately began to apply faith that the purpose of our ministry was under attack, and despite the fear we pressed forward.  Job application after job application – month after painful month – he has applied for so many different jobs.  He found a position doing furniture installation, and even though his experience is in IT, he took that job...

Waves of Change

I’m at the beach for the 4th time in my life right now.  Pretty sad considering I’m in my late 30’s.  I have found that my preferred time to sit on the beach watching the waves is late at night after the commotion of the day has subsided.  As I was watching the waves last night, I couldn’t help but ponder them.  They are created out in the middle of the ocean where everything is calm.  To look, we can’t see them being formed.  Things under the surface start churning and a little ripple is started.  As it moves across the the water, it builds with momentum but it still cannot be seen.  It’s not until it is close to it’s final destination does it suddenly appear and burst forth; cascading upon the sand that eagerly awaits it. As I watched each wave crash upon the shore only to subside again, I noticed how the water is only allowed to come up to a point, and then it is pulled back into the ocean.  Even the mightiest wave cannot overstep its boundaries.  They don’t stop, they keep coming over and over again.  An endless serenade that was started at the dawn of creation that will continue to the end of time. Jeremiah 5:22 Should you not fear me?” declares the LORD. “Should you not tremble in my presence? I made the sand a boundary for the sea, an everlasting barrier it cannot cross. The waves may roll, but they cannot prevail; they may roar, but they cannot cross it. Then, I started to walk through the water.  Not too...

Paths Left Behind

History.  Everyone has one.  The moments in life that shape our thoughts, reactions and vision.  We see the world through stubborn eyes; passing judgement on those passing through our lives.  Why would they do that?  What were they thinking?  They obviously have mental problems!  When we see a flaw of any kind in others, our knee jerk reaction is to criticize.  On the other hand; when our own flaws are on display; we plead our case pointing out the many ways in which our childhood, past relationships and present stresses contributed to that flaw. We all fall victim to judgement of others at some point (or points) in our lives.  Many times, the one who is the most cruel in their judgment of us is ourselves.  Unknowingly, we can put ourselves under such scrutiny that we cripple ourselves from making any advancement at all.  Fear of facing our path left behind can lead to fear of choosing the path in front of us.  So, we choose to sit down on a rather uncomfortable place on the path, looking at all the others on the path who are walking past and pointing out every stumble.  I suppose it makes it easier to cast stones when your sitting so close to them on the ground. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” John 8:7 A friend asked me today if I would choose a different path if I could go back to the beginning.  My reply was...