Bleh …

I know that I have committed to keeping up with my daily reflection for one year, but I really don’t want to reflect on today.  It feels like everyday is bringing new obstacles, and new ways to reflect on where I have fallen short.  “Don’t go by what you feel, go by what you know.”  I say this a lot to others that I mentor.  I share that advice because I really do believe it.  Unfortunately, what I know is nothing and what I feel is horrible.  A few days ago Scott and I started to really look at some decisions that need to be made.  It’s not that we weren’t aware of the possibilities before now, we were.  Sometimes it’s easier to look elsewhere than to stand firm and look face to face with the giant.

I’ve been a coward.  I’ve been afraid of how I might be viewed as a failure.  Years ago when I made the decision to forgive my husband and move forward with our marriage, the condemnation I received was relentless.  Everyone viewed him as unworthy, and therefore I was a fool to give him a chance.  God, I remember how scary it was to trust that somehow our marriage would work.  To believe that there would be a day when he would bring me happiness and not pain.  To hope for laughter to replace the tears, and comfort to replace the pain.  That has happened, and although many may not agree or understand how it is possible to love the person who caused you the most harm, I can testify that it is not only possible, but it is a blessing.  Fear that I will experience more condemnation remains my achilles heal.

Even with our marriage being restored, it has not made us impenetrable to problems.  We actively teach others what God taught us … pray together daily, pray for each other constantly, read scripture individually and together, and spend a minimum of 15 minutes a day communicating about what your challenges and victories are individually, as a couple and as a family.  If you don’t already do this, start today.  Do it for 40 days and I promise that your marriage will look different.  It doesn’t mean that you will not have problems to deal with, it means that you will deal with them differently.  I’ll stop preaching now and get back to the original point.

We’re not impenetrable.  Whether you have been walking with God for 60 minutes or 60 years, you will still experience failure and disappointment.  Thankfully with God, there is someone reaching out a hand to pull you up and dust you off.

“Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.”  – 1 Peter 2:10

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