17 March 14
I woke this morning from a terrible dream. It wasn’t of fire, or famine or zombie apocalypse. It was horrible. It was a nightmare of what my life, and the life of my wife, children and even those around me would have been like if I had continued on my path years ago without the Lord. It was a scene of profound despair and hopelessness. Of having ruined the lives of my family through my own selfishness. Of having not been there to be even the half-hearted friend that I have been at times to those around me. Especially lately.
From that sleeping dream, I awoke to a vision. This vision was of how I have been simply going through the motions lately. I have not had the fire that I used to have, and I miss that. More importantly, God misses that in me and all of this serves as a warning against complacency and “doing enough”. Just enough to get by. Breaks over, son. Time to shoulder that burden and step back into line and do it with JOY because that is what my Lord and Savior desires for me to do. That is where I belong. When I gave my life to God at the altar, it was not for me to live out mediocrity.
There is as much danger in going through the motions as there is in living a life of active sin. I know for a fact that God has a plan for me, but it will happen in HIS time, not mine. In my arrogance, I lost my patience. I sat down and said, “Alright God, here I am, I’m not going another step until you are ready to show me.” But that ain’t how it works. We don’t get to bench ourselves while we wait for the Coach to let us know when the time is right. We carry on, we keep fighting, and we trust that when the time is right He WILL let us know. Who am I to think I know better, and that He needs to work according to MY schedule??
I’ve been getting nudges lately. Kind of like when my dog Bruno wants me to rub his ears. He comes and stares at me at first. His one eye on me, patiently waiting for me to notice him. When I don’t (or when I act like I don’t), he puts his cold nose on me and nudges me. At this point I usually pet him, but last night, I was praying with my family, so of course I ignored him. He nudged harder. Then he gently but firmly nipped my hand just enough to let me know he was not taking “No” for an answer. It was like he was saying, “Hey, it’s time. I need you and only you, so get to work.” It’s possible to pray and pet at the same time, evidently.
Obviously God doesn’t need me rub behind His ears or scratch the base of His tail right where it feels sooo good to a dog. But the signals are clear that it is time for me get back to it. I have a job to do while, and I have been slacking off. Half-hearted worship is not worship. So here I am LORD. Send me.